Banter

Sunday Scaries: Footballer Cure

Friday you got tanked and struck out with a bunch of average to below average females. Saturday you watched some footy with a hangover and started drinking at noon. By 7pm Saturday you’re speaking Swahili and have pizza on your shirt. At midnight you try to get in an uber to go home but your boys drag you to the next watering hole where you continue to drink yourself into darkness.

Sunday is coming and after Sunday comes Monday, which can be pretty stressful. Unfortunately this happens every – single – week. Lucky for you I’ve got the magic formula to get over your catastrophic anxiety with a footy formula.

Sunday 8am (Depending on time zone):

Force yourself out of fucking bed. Just do it. Turn on whatever game is on, today it would have been Tottenham v. Liverpool ( Unfortunately the game was hijacked by the official, Jon Moss, who might be in ISIS). Take this time to numb your brain with the television and as much water as you can possibly consume. Preferably you can take down 3-4 bottles during this morning time.

 

Sunday 1pm:

Afternoon footy with the lads. Hangover is almost at its peak and your body is begging to stay on the couch. However its mid afternoon and you have a match vs. other washed up hungover idiots. It’s important you don’t overdue it here, play the old mans game. Nobody likes a goddamn hero and nobody wants to play a transition filled Sunday League game. Get your touches in, preferably in 10 minute shifts with constant hydration mixed in.

 

Sunday 4pm:

Have a beer. Take some of the edge off. Something light – I suggest sticking with a mexican beer. Trick your body into thinking your on vacation. At this point your body is so fucking confused it really doesn’t matter you just have to keep the lie going that you feel great.

 

Sunday 6pm:

Scoop Chipotle on your way home (Don’t be a bitch get quac and cheese). Open up netflix or a streaming service to indulge in one of the four options below.

The Class of 92 – Netflix

Rise and Shine – The Jay Demerit Story 

Planet FIFA

Becoming Zlatan
Sunday 10pm:

You’ve done it. All you have to do is make it to Tuesday so you can stream some footy during work. Top Lad you.

#FuckMonday

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